Sunday, March 04, 2007
I really hate Ds.
This blog is revived. Yes, i am fickle, so what?!
The past week had been pretty much hell. I cried so much that i don't even know myself. Problems seemed never ending. Its during the deep, dark lonely nights when you're at a loss and feel soooo lonely that depression sets in.
I tink that phase has ended. All the thunderstorms, sandstorms, whatever storms had passed and minyi is ready to embark on another journey and face new challenges. Actually, now that i tink of the past week, i'm a little glad. Because during the alone-in-the-crowded-room syndrome, you realised that there are SOME people who REALLY CARE.
Now, about the most recent big thing in our lives. When i received my result slip, i don't know whether to laugh or cry. Its more of like a shock. Its only on yesterday and today, when the shock slowly subside and the fact sinks in then i can feel the emotions coming through. All the weaknesses: fear, disappointment, anger, frustration, regret.
Its the failure of meeting the personal challenge set for yourself. I like challenges and i met all the challenges i set for myself except for that one big bad bloody subject. Yes, I may not be good nor am i interested in chinese. Neither did i study very hard for it, BUT I DID STUDIED it during the As. Perhaps its a case of too little too late, but i remembered working hard for it. I couldn't help but think that if i had taken another subj instead, what would have happened. Maybe another subject taught by another teacher whom i feel i couldn't let down.
Anyway, even if they wouldn't see this, i'd really want to thank Mr Cheng, Mdm Ng, Ms Tan and Mr Yeo from the bottom of my heart.
My aunts and family apparently tink that i did well enough to warrant a celebration and gave me presents. Xinyi was really sweet, yes i'm praising you not only because you're probably going to read this. She stuck pink heartshapes all over the mirror in my room and got me a card and a dog.
And with all these kindness and love, i don't know whether to laugh or cry. Everything is suppressed inside. I still felt like a loser. Its only yesterday when my parents don't allow me to do waitressing and we quarelled followed by a long talk with them then i realised that life ain't all about results.
That piece of paper is merely a passport to greater stuff. Its other things that matter. Hell, i'm not even sure if my dad passed his psle. Hahaha. Nobody can ever know who's gonna be the ultimate victor in life. You may get all As then got knocked down by a car cos' you got too drunk after all the celebration. Okay, this offers little consolation but yeah...
I also figured that some people, some things are not worth me crying over and over again. I figured that anything that comes my way, just Whack it! This formula always works, Just Whack!
And to those who have done really well, my god, huilin got straight As and my dear valentine mfen, Hahha, sorry didn't reply your msg, was too depressed yesterday. I haven't congragulate you yet. My God, you GENIUS, 6 distinctions! No wonder you owned all of us at mahjong. I should really start playing more mahjong to make myself smarter. HAHAHA!
Anyway, there are so so so many choices, so many decisions to be made now. Its all very confusing. And i know i don't want to make another mistake in choosing as i had.